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IxAMxJ3sUs
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Name: Jesus
Country: Israel
Metro: Jerusalem
Birthday: 12/25/1900
Gender: Male
Interests: loving my Father, saving mankind, helping orphans, loving you, showing up for sing-alongs
Expertise: saving mankind, helping the blind see again, going against strict Jewish authority, dying for your sins
Occupation: Medical
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
AIM:  IxAMxJ3sUs
Member Since:
7/22/2005
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| OUTRAGEOUS!!!
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!
I have been apalled and SHOCKED at all the mocking I have seen. People
mock my name left and right. People swear, and say Jesus Christ. I
didn't die for you so you could just use my name in vain!
Worse, with the recent explosion of myspace.com and xanga.com, many
FAKE websites claiming to be people they are not have sprouted up. One
especially offensive site is on xanga, and it SICKENS me to read it.
Here is the link.
How can someone MOCK me and pretend to be me? Clearly this person has
the power to trick many unsuspectiong people who otherwise could know
the real Me.
Don't they realize I died for
them? And yet, they mock me! They mock what I stand for! They think its
in good humor, but little do they know they will soon burn in Hell
forever. I died for you, so don't MOCK me. This is simply sickening,
outrageous, and disgusting.
In other news, I want to tell the Muslim community one thing: get over it.
Ok, so some cartoon made fun of
Mohammed. So what? He's not real anyways. Big whoop. Get over it, Allah
is a false name for My Father anyways.
Oh, and... why would people mock
my name after ALL i've gone through for them??!!? I was on that cross
for SIX (or 9... my watch was broken) hours and I was thinking about
each and everyone of you! I died for you! Nobody else has felt my pain!
Not North Koreans that have been skinned alive, or people Saddam dipped
in acid slowly while sipping lemonade. Nobody! My less than a day of
brutal torture was worse than anything ANYBODY has gone through... and
I did it all for YOU since My Father was being a real bitch and didn't
want to forgive you without sending me, his Son, to get beaten and die.
So why would you MOCK me after I
died for you. Without me, Hellfire would await you all since my Dad was
pretty pissed about that whole apple thing.
Don't mock, LOVE!
(I didn't do this to be MOCKED! Respect the Christ!)
(see... Mocking leads to killing, and that's not good!)
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| Hey guys, your Savior is here again.
How are all of you? Today I had lunch with John Hagee, and then his
fellow preachers such as Billy Graham (who is up here with me right
now), Pat Robertson (a good man but a bit extreme for my tastes... he
gets a bit carried away from time to time) and, of course, Benny Hinn
(my personal prophet who I have anointed to heal people.)
Tomorrow I have a busy day, a lot of those Islamic people are giving us
trouble, so I have to meet with American President George W. Bush to
discuss the finer details of foreign policy.
I also have to work out, I've lost some weight and can no longer bench
225. The devil keeps tempting me with those really tasty jelly
donoughts.
I also watched Mel Gibson's new film, Apocalypto. It's not as good as
The Passion, since every good Mel Gibson film needs me getting beat up
in it. The Holy Ghost clearly wasn't with Mel in that last one. The
Mayans are dead anyways cause they didn't follow me. Sorry guys.
That's about it. I have a rapture to prepare, it's coming very soon...
trust me, with all the earthquakes, blizzards, hurricanes, and the
kingdoms from the North attacking, the end of days is near my friends!
O, and Isreal is a state, soon every Jew shall be together and I can
return. I am thinking 2012 could be a good year, what do you think?
Me and the Father have to go over details. The Holy Spirit tho we're
keeping out, he's been real pesky lately. Well, bye guys... some guy in
Phoenix is bothering me about killing his math teacher.
-Big J
(this man mocks me, i HATE people who mock me. they have no respect, it
digusts me. they ignore everything I have done for them!)
(that really didn't feel good.... thank God it was only 12 hours! tho
my pain was beyond the pain any of you mere mortals will ever feel. and
i want people to know that when this happend, i was thinking about
them. at this particular moment u see above, i was thinking about
Robert Wilson from Kansas City, and how he really needs that new I-Pod
that has all the nifty video and stuff.)
(here I am judging George P. Pernwitz. He was a good fella, but he voted democrat, so he went to hell. Sorry George.)
(me in the office)
(even I think this guy is an asshole. he's still infallible, of course.)
<3 xJ3SUSx <3
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| I thought it would be a good idea to help show you, people of the
world, just what an average day in my life... er... my residence in
Paradise waiting for the right TIME to bring about the end of days... is like:
so here was my schedule for yesterday, July the 25th of 2005 years
after I was born (though really I was born 4 years earlier... but some
of my early followers sucked at addition, as well as pretty much everything else, so they made a little booboo...)
Midnight to 7 am - nappy time with my favorite saints
7 to 8:30 am - breakfast with St. Paul (he's a grumpy one), looking
over night prayers with my Clan: the first, the best, the only TWELVE
apostles!!! (yes one of them is a woman, her name is Janet.)
8:30 to 9 am - dancing with musical guest The Beatles (except for Paul of course....)
9 am to 10:30 - chat with Mel Gibson about his latest film, Apocalypto
and about possible ideas for The Passion of the Christ Deux: I'm Back,
Bitches
10:30 to 11am - discussing the finer points of life with Kurt Cobain
11am to noon - hanging with my homeboys Dick, Bush and Rummy
noon to 1:15 pm - private time with the mrs. J
1:15 to 1:30 - watching the end of
that movie Dodgeball (I was watching it on Starz a few nights back but
My Father the power cut off right before the final ending... does Ben
Stiller win??? Does he lose??? O My Father I need to know!)
1:30 - 4 pm - answering prayers, visiting the good priests who can keep their pants up
4 to 5 pm - going through the motions with Ratzinger
5 pm to 5:30 pm - playing videogames. it's great to blow off steam with a wonderful round in Carmageddon 2: Carpocalypse Now or Extreme Paintbrawl!
5:30 to 7pm - more prayers... you guys never letup! by this time, though,
i usually ignore most of them and sometimes me and the Holy Spirit have
fun laughing it up at what we read... you'd never believe some of the
stuff you people send us.
"Hey Big J, is it true Bob Saget is the devil?" (btw yes it is Ms. Olsen)
"Hey Big J, i found out my girlfriend is actually a man... is there a prayer for this?"
"Hey Big J, thanx bro" - Karl Rove
7 to 8 pm - pretending to be offended by the latest uproar against GTA: San Andreas.
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
8 to 9 pm - watching repeats of the OC
9 to 9:30 pm - playing ping pong with Forrest Gump
9:45 to 10:25 - writing in my lovely Xanga!
10:25 to 10:29 - pimping it up with my bro Goran Duk! love ya man, big fan!!
10:29 to 10:30 - being politically correct and not teasing Gandhi who
resides in hell because he never accepted me as his savior (comeon
Gandhi, seriously... I'm so much cooler than that elephant thing)
10:30 to 10:45 pm - arm wrestling with Lu, aka Lucifer the Unclean...
he may be the very epitome of evil and darkness, but he does have such SOFT hands
10:45 to 11:45 pm - ;)
11:45 to 11:59 - pestering God about when I can finally return...
JUSSSTTT ONEE RAPPTTUREE, PLEEASSEEE!!!! PWETTY PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON
TOP??? (i tell ya the stubbard bastard doesn't realize it's been 2000
years! get with the program, mannnn... I'm starting to think his cookoo
clock is broken, which is why I haven't been able to return yet and
cleanse the heathened and make everyone realize... I'M JESUS, YO. So
don't blame me... blame cookoo clocks. Oh, and don't forget to blame
the Jews too... they crucified
me yall! If you don't believe me, just watch Mr. Mel Gibson's utterly poetic The Passion of the Christ!
My Father that guy with the long grey beard was a real asshole!  )
11:59 to midnight - me and Lu switch roles for a minute just for kicks.... hehe I'm evil, bitches!!!
and Jews, I'm just kidding yall! I love ya, I was a Jew once... then I
realized, I needed to accept myself as Savior... otherwise I'd go to
Hell, and that wouldn't be very fun, now would it????
Man, this anti-semitism is killing me inside. I shall hail my mother (also a Jew) 10 times in shame...
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
<3 xJ3SUSx <3
| | |
| well today has been irritating. I slept in late and I missed a miracle
I was supposed to complete at noon. but I guess that's life, isn't it?
poor little Timmy will find a way... just ask yourself, WWID? what
would I do?
In other news, I plan on visiting United States President George W.
Bush today to help him with the latest Iraq plans. it's been a bear
working on this, and after he went and made up that WMD thing without
consulting me, well, he knows not to do THAT again. but he's got me
fully on his side now, and I look forward to a continuing relationship
with President Bush and his cabinet members.
and for those of you who are curious, yes John Kerry lost because he
did not fully have me in his heart. and don't get me started on Gore
and Lieberman.
well im off for now, yall. if you have any problems just give me a
prayer and I'll answer as soon as I can. and if you do anything bad,
just please hail my mother like 25 times, mmkay? thanks.
<3 xJ3SUSx <3
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